I don’t really have any rituals that I go through.  Every morning when I wake up, I use the restroom, then, depending on how much time I have, I take a shower and what not.  Don’t really eat breakfast on a regular basis, which may or may not contribute to the current rate of my metabolism.  Don’t really watch TV, cause my wife usually has the Today show on, which only 3 notes ago I expressed how much of an idiot Matt Lauer is.  So, each morning, I watch to see if he will prove me right, and he does.

Usually though, I just come out in the living room, and play with my daughter a bit.  My life is not one that is intricately planned out.   Each of my steps is not really a piece of a much greater puzzle.  I don’t plan to play with my daughter, I just do.  I don’t think, “I can’t wait for Matt Lauer to be an idiot.” He just is.   I am very laid back in my approach to things.  Just waiting to see what happens next.

But, that doesn’t resonate entirely throughout my life.  See, while the mundane is not a well thought out construction of events to further my success, the important things are a different story.  I have had this idea of what I would be doing with my life for about 10 years now.  And I am crazy excited that it may happen soon.   Just not soon enough.

I get all crazy on the inside waiting for things.  Not just anything though, only big things.  I didn’t really sleep for the 2 days before my daughter was born.  Then I didn’t sleep 3 days after she was born.  I can’t sleep on Christmas Eve.   This past year was the first time, and it was because I had a one month old.  Parents will understand what I am saying.  Now I am waiting for big things to happen, and I am all knots on the inside.  My wife commented how everytime my cell phone rings, I get all excited or tense or something to that effect and I am let down when it isn’t what or who I am expecting.   This happens everyday and I don’t know how to stop it.

But I think I am habitually this way.  When something big is about to happen, that is when I get serious about it.  It stirs me to act in ways that I typically do not.  I do things differently than how I was doing them before.  Everything is pretensed with a new action, somehow and hopefully designed to make whatever big thing may come, happen.

I don’t fully understand the will of God.  I am coming to think it is definetly not a destination, or formula.  I don’t really think that God even has a specific idea as to what He would like us to do.  I do know, that the chief concern of God is God.  I know that He looks for a seeks glory in everything, and that if something is not going to glorify Him, He will get glory some other way. 

I do think however, that God is not concerned with what it is that we are doing.  But, more so, wants us to understand that we should pursue that which will bring us and others closer to Him.  In whatver we do, it should be done knowing that this will some how affect my own and others understanding of God and who He is.  God has expressed himself in a way that says, “I want to know you; I want to be personally envolved in every endeavor that you undertake.  I want to be the first to know when you are joyful and when you need comfort.  I want to be so involved that you can not imagine going through life without me being involved.  In the words of cheap trick, ‘I want you to want me.’ “  Not in a weird way, or that way that church girls mean when they say, “I’m dating Jesus.”  (*sidebar, Dating Jesus does not work.  You can’t date him, because he is betrothed to the Church. That would make him a “womanizer” and we all know Jesus wouldn’t do that, and if He were that you wouldn’t want to date Him.)

I fully believe (though struggle to understand and employ) that God’s will revolves around our knowing Him and our relationship with Him.  When life happens, we shouldn’t be calling Allstate or Nationwide, God wants to know and be involved.  With coming to know Him, we begin to understand who we are better, what we were meant for and what we can become.  We begin to desire the ideal that He had for us.  Then, we can journey with Him toward it and be instrumental in making that happen. 

I don’t know if any of this has made sense, but I am rusty.  Please give me time.